No news

I apologize for not posting about my doctor's appointments last week. I have been quite down and haven't wanted to whine to anyone. After all of the tests, they still can't find a reason why I am nauseous so much. They tested me for Celiac, and I'm not allergic to wheat. The doctor suggested I try a gluten free diet. I don't have any indicators that I'm allergic to it, but he said I might be sensitive to it. Gluten is in everything, so I told him I would think about it. If I am still feeling ill by the first of the year, I will seriously consider it. I don't really feel like it's that, but they are grasping at straws now. We've ruled out a lot of things that it ISN'T, which is good. I really felt hopeful that the Internist would have the answer. I have been trying to focus on having a good attitude lately, and I am hoping that will help me through the hard days. It's easy to give in to the hopelessness, but I don't want to. Pulling yourself out of your personal 'pit of despair' gets harder the more you don't resist.

Otherwise, life has been busy and insane around here. Would you expect otherwise, with all of these kids running around?

John Williams is the Man!

We've watched this so many times, we almost have it memorized.

Yawning and waiting

Life has been crazy here, as always. Anyone have any suggestions for helping an 18 month old sleep through the night? We're trying the 'cry it out' thing and it's not working. It's just making for a very tired and grumpy baby AND mom.
I have had an interesting few weeks. I saw my GI doctor and he basically threw up his hands and said he didn't know what else to do for me. Since my white blood cell count was high when I visited the ER, my lymph nodes were a little swollen, and my grandpa recently died of lymphoma, he wanted me to see an oncologist. Yeah, nothing cheers you up like being told you need to see a cancer doctor.
Later that week I went to see an Internist, and I felt so much better after talking to him. He didn't think I had cancer, but there were plenty of other possibilities he wanted to explore. Based on several things that have been happening thislast year, he thinks it could be: my thyroid, my pituitary, or my adrenal glands. I went and had 6 vials of blood drawn on Halloween (which my kids thought was very cool), and he scheduled a lot of tests.
Before the tests I met with the oncologist, who confirmed that I don't have cancer. A few days before the visit I had been reading online about lymphoma and started crying, worrying about being that sick. Greg told me to not think about it, so I did my best not to. After we got the all clear, Greg admitted that he had been freaking out!
After I voted early on Election Day, it was off to Provo for an ultrasound of my thyroid. From pictures I always imagined it at the back of my neck, but it's actually right where an Adam's Apple is on a man. Mine is swollen, so that's why he wanted it tested. Then it was up to American Fork for an MRI. There was no way I could handle being put down one of those long tubes, so they sent me to have an open one. Which means it's open where your arms are, but they still place brackets right on top of your face and then raise you up so that your head is very close to the machine. For someone that's claustrophobic like me, it was hard, no matter how they did it. But I am glad I didn't have to go down the dreaded tube. I really think I would have had an anxiety attack.

I have no idea what the results were. I hate the waiting game. But I feel optimistic, even if these tests don't give us an answer. My Internist already told me he won't stop until we figure what's going on. Hallelujah for that!!!

No Spooky Kids Here

Hope everyone had a great Halloween. We did! We had a cheerleader, Indiana Jones, a princess, a race car driver and a nurse, super excited for Friday. Getting five kids in costumes sure is an experience! Unless you want to feel like your head is going to explode, I wouldn't recommend it. It was my year to take the kids out while Greg handed out candy with Rachel. (Apparently she chewed through a Tootsie Roll wrapper when he wasn't looking!) It was drizzling a little, but much warmer than the last few years, thank goodness. It was a great Halloween. (And yes, I used to fit into that cheer uniform!)

On Thursday, Seth had a party at preschool. They went trick or treating to a few neighbors' and ate lots of treats. His teacher, Miss Cathie, was dressed as Dora, and she looked awesome! He loves her and going to school so much.

Sisters

Elise loves Rachel so much. It's the end of the world if she doesn't get to give her a kiss before naptime. Their baby pictures look so much alike it's freaky, though you can't see it so much in this picture. I hope that the four years difference between them will keep them from being total rivals, but I'm sure they'll bicker over clothes. What sisters that are close in age don't???

Pictures and Mom's Musings

Here are some pictures of Hailey opening her presents. She has a weird look on her face with the CD, but that is her acting all shocked and awed for the camera. I don't know where she gets the dramatic stuff from. Isn't her sign cool?

Kayla and Christie asked how I was feeling about her being in Young Women's now. (It's the youth organization for 12-18 year girls at church.) I guess I could give you the quick "I'm not old enough to have a daughter in YW!", but I've been trying to put into words how I'm feeling about her growing up, actually. In some ways it feels like yesterday they first placed her in my arms. But then again, I was reading through my journal entries from when I was pregnant with her, and it was definitely a long time ago. Motherhood was such an abstract thing back then. I had no idea what the real deal would be like.
I am excited for all of the fun things she will do in the next six years. Girls Camp, Youth Conference, all of the fun activities. YW is such an inspired program and she is going to learn so many incredible things. But this also means that I only have six years left with her. THAT completely freaks me out. I'm not even close to being the mom I want to be for her, and I haven't taught her nearly enough. I feel like time is slipping away from me. I know it's not possible to be the perfect mom, but I want to be the best I can. She deserves it; they all do. I pray each day that I can be a good example to her, and though I make a lot of mistakes, I have to have faith that it will be enough. Otherwise I'd sit and go crazy with worry. She is a sensitive soul and I mess up a lot. Thank goodness she will have a lot of youth leaders to help her along the way!
Bet you weren't expecting that when you asked, huh?

Hailey is 12!

On October 17th, my oldest baby turned 12. She asked for cinnamon rolls for breakfast, and all of the other kids had fun making signs to hang around the house. They sure love their older sister. We spent the rest of the day getting ready for her party that night. (That will be its own post.) She loved her new pj's and screamed when she opened the makeup I got her. She also got the new Jonas Brothers CD and I had a picture of the JoBros personalized to say "Hailey's Hangout" on it, to hang in her room. She was a very happy camper.

We are so blessed to have Hailey as our daughter. She is so kind and loving. She has such a pure spirit, with no guile in her. She truly is good. She has a calming nature and I am so thankful for all of the help she has been to me while I've been sick. It's been so fun to see her growing into a young woman. She sets such a good example for her younger siblings and I know she will continue to be. I love her so much and I hope she always feels that love.

P.S. She started wearing glasses last week!